you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
