I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize