Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
