I think im going to throw up on grandma
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
