Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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