i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
