WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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