and i looked up. we had an audience...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
