i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Congratulations! We have a period
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