I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
