I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
