You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
