I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
