She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
