sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
do nipples grow back?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
