he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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