I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
