This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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