Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
