so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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