apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
