my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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