why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
