Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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