I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
