I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
