All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
