Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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