I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
