Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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