Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
