I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
