Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to have your abortion
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize