Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
