don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
