my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
