I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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