He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize