so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
