Don't make out with my wife yet
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
