why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
