I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think people are normalizing furries
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
