Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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