There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
