So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
