I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
