i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
