got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
