and you said cock pushups were impossible
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize