i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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