If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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