I wish I could teleport
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sarcasm needs its own font
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
