just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
