Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
