Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
