i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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