Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sarcasm needs its own font
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
