im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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