it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
