A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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