I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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