Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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