What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
