i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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