you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
