i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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