Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
