I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
