I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize