He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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