Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want a musical about memes.
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