theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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