explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
