I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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